A great seminar with Mary Morrissey

I am back on my blog....absent since August 2010!   What happened, well it is a long story I won't tell you right now.  

I just returned from a weekend in Arlington VA (ten minutes from the Washington Reagan airport) with Mary Morrissey, called Dream Builder Live (see www.marymorrissey.com)  I had taken her three month online program to get more clarity on my own dream, but it wasn't until I attended the weekend that the full picture came into focus.  The book I am completing in the next couple of months is called YOUR ORIGINAL LIFE:  Finding Freedom in the 21st Century.  I have  interviewed 20 fabulous millennials I've met in the last few years, each of whom has created their own unique path.

I know that a lot of young people are uncertain of what they want to do -- or even if they want a career at all. I get it.   Times are changing so fast and our longings with it.  We want to make a difference; we want our lives to count for something; but on the other hand there are cars to buy, great or not so great places to live, seemingly endless schooling for more advanced degrees or opting for a useful vocation where you don't need all that.  Here's an example: I heard of a guy who can repair any kind of refrigerator and he traveled for years all over Mexico and South American -- always had plenty of work if he wanted it! Or maybe you want to be the next tech billionaire like Zuckerberg, young creator of Facebook. It is a matter of values, and of deep self inquiry that, unless you are already driven by your passion, is often hard to do by yourself because of the conditioning that has been laid on you by family, culture, media, and school since you were in kindergarten!

I'll be writing more soon.

How to Love Networking

I used to hate networking. I felt shy. I didn’t want to introduce myself to strangers. I didn’t know what to say. Now I love it. Just give me a room full of new people! One day looking for help on the subject, I ran across Susan Rowan’s “How to Work a Room.” She’s sold a million copies of that and for good reason. Susan showed me how networking is really about being interested in, caring about and being of service to others. I had been thinking it was supposed to be about how I got others interested in me! Ever since then, I have been enjoying myself more and more at networking events. Can you think of network opportunities as a gift? Imagine that every person there could be a friend instead of a “mark.”?

Here are a few do’s and don’ts for networking to add to your collection:

DO be genuine and authentic. Be yourself.
DON’T put on an act and try to behave like someone you’re not.

DO become curious and interested in the person you are talking to. Ask open ended questions, versus yes or no, to give them a chance to open up and tell you about themselves.

DON’T bombard them with questions. Too many questions can be a turnoff and make you sound aggressive and like you are just a taker (information, energy, their time) Be sensitive to how the person is reacting to your questioning.

DO find people you would like to meet. Use your intuition. You can ask yourself “who in this room would love to meet ME?”
DON’T feel you have to tackle people who don’t appeal to you. Later, after you warm up, you might change your mind about them!

DO have your “who I am and what I do” speech very clear in your head before going to the event. And then feel free too make it spontaneous if the spirit moves!
DON’T give a canned-sounding 30 second commercial for yourself when you meet someone. People can tell when you aren’t really connecting with them and are just concerned with promoting yourself.

DO have business cards ready so you don’t have to fumble around for them, but don’t
offer unless there seems to be some genuine mutual interest there. If the person seems to be a good connection for you and you like them, ask for theirs first.
DON’T come at a person head-on and immediately hand them your card.

DO put notes on the back of cards as soon as possible after you get them as to the date, the event where you met this person, and any notes about your conversation. Think you’ll remember? Chances are you won’t!
DON’T file away the card in some drawer for “later.” Follow up with each contact that seemed worthwhile with a friendly email, preferably mentioning some way you might do business with them or be useful to them in the future.

DO spend enough time getting to know a quality contact without thinking you have to keep it short so you can meet more people.
DON’T go for quantity rather than quality.

DO become a great listener. You can’t fake it! Learn to ask “What do you do?” with
ease, sincerity and genuine interest.
DON’T interrupt the person with frequent references to yourself, like “Oh yes, that happened to me” or “ I used to do that too” etc.

DO Practice talking to people everywhere you go. Be self confident and if you aren’t, work at it-- maybe take a workshop or join a Toastmasters public speaking club.
DON’T be apologetic or self deprecating.

DO enjoy yourself!!
DON’T stay home cause its easier!

DO offer to introduce a new contact to others you may know in the room. An introduction spoken with respect is well remembered.

I would like you to know about TED Talks. TED is a small nonprofit devoted to Ideas Worth Spreading. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from three worlds: Technology, Entertainment, Design. Since then its scope has become ever broader. Along with two annual conferences -- the TED Conference in Long Beach and Palm Springs each spring, and the TEDGlobal conference in Oxford UK each summer -- TED includes the award-winning TEDTalks video site, the Open Translation Project and Open TV Project, the inspiring TEDx program and the annual TED Prize.

The annual conferences in Long Beach/Palm Springs and Oxford bring together the world's most fascinating thinkers and doers, who are challenged to give the talk of their lives (in 18 minutes. Check it out! www.ted.com

How to interpret your dreams

Ever see a green goose? In your dream, anything can happen. What do your dreams mean? We spend about a third of our life sleeping. Each night, experts tell us, we have many dreams. Even if you don’t remember yours or swear that you don’t dream, you probably do as they are a natural part of the four stage sleep cycle. What do they mean? You can learn to interpret your own dreams-- and that is a good idea if you are interested at all in dream phenomenon, because the truth is you should not allow anyone else to interpret your dream for you. Why? Because you are unique and your history is unique and what an umbrella meant to Freud is not necessarily what an umbrella in your dream signifies for you. Also, a particular item may have different meaning for you in a different dream context; it is not always the same necessarily

The “code” to your dreams does not come in any book; it comes in your skillful and intuitive interpretation of those messages, and that takes experimentation and practice . Gayle Delaney, founder of the Association for the Study of Dreams, says that dreams do not come to you with information you already know Dreams are messengers from our subconscious, from our superconscious minds, and, many belief, occasionally from spiritual beings or those who have passed on who want to tell us something. Not all dreams are of equal significance. There are just wish dreams, processing dreams, anxiety dreams that tend to recur, and Big Dreams that come in living color with such powerful imagery that you never forget them You may have heard of “lucid dreaming.” That’s when you actually wake up within your dream and continue dreaming with your conscious direction. It is possible to study one dream for many years, or even a lifetime. However, most of us do not have the patience! We would like to know right away what our dreams have to tell us.

The first thing you need to do in working with your dreams is make sure you remember at least one per night, and keep a dream journal by the side of your bed, with a pen or pencil handy. Here are some tips for analyzing your dreams:

1) Notice the atmosphere of your dream – what is the primary mood or feeling? What is the light like – is it day or night? What could this aspect be trying to tell you?

2) Who are the characters in your dream and what are the significant objects? Do some free association writing on the main characters or objects and see what comes up. Do not censor your impressions or thoughts; for instance, saying to yourself “ oh that can’t be right, it doesn’t make sense!” Dreams are not logical. They don’t have to follow “the rules.”

3) Next, become an element in your dream and write from that character or object’s point of view.

4) Once you have followed these procedures for a few elements in the dream, some
pattern or meaning is likely to appear. Take it from there and see what interpretation occurs to you. If you don’t get a big “aha!!” keep on going. Try working with other parts of the dream until something starts to make sense.

There are many writers and experts on the world of dreaming. Go to the library or a bookstore and see what titles appeal to you. Follow your intuition, which is the sister of dreaming. I’ve studied a number of dream interpretation processes, but the one resource I’d recommend to start with is the author I mentioned above, Gayle Delaney’s “Living Your Dreams.” See her website, www.gdelaney.com.

Appreciate and take care of your feet

How often are you aware of your feet? Not much, you’re probably thinking. Our
feet are amazing. Did you know that there are areas of your feet that relate to every part of you body? There is a healing massage that works just with the feet, called “reflexology.” Google that and see what you get! A foot massage is a great gift to give yourself, but it is so much nicer to get one from a professional masseuse….or from your lover! Foot massage is wonderfully relaxing and rejuvenating.

Another exercise that is very good for your feet and your body is rolling your feet over a ball, or cylinder, or rolling your bare feet gently over a golf ball, stopping to press gently into the tender places until they release a bit (don’t overdo it!). Sit down and gently separate your toes with your fingers, tenderly pull each toe out from its base until you feel the tiniest of releases. Now stand up and see how they feel. Your feet will thank you for waking them up!

Our feet are out contact with the earth – and that works, if you create an intention for it, even through concrete sidewalks. When was the last time you went barefoot in the
grass, or really enjoyed walking barefoot on the beach?

We women create all kinds of problems for our feet with the shoes we wear. Back in the 70’s it seems like, with the advent of pants suits and women’s lib in the office, high heels might go away. No such chance! They are just too sexy and too much fun. They feel great to wear even though they often can throw your back out of alignment and make it pretty difficult to get around easily! Women’s shoe heels have gotten even higher these days!

There are all kinds of unpleasant things that can happen to your feet from wearing the wrong kinds of shoes.. Bunions can occur from wearing those pointy toed creations of a few years ago. Fortunately, those aren’t as common these days, and the round toes and open toes are a bit better. Hammertoes are sometimes the result of wearing shoes that are too short or too narrow. And how about plantar fasciitis?. No fun! That’s when the tissue at the bottoms of your heels get inflamed and it can be so painful you can’t even walk. If you are getting pain in your heels, nip it in the bud before it gets worse! See a doctor to diagnose the condition. He will probably recommend as part of your cure and as prevention that you stretch those Achilles tendons really well on a daily basis and wear supports in your shoes. You can get plantar fasciitis from walking barefoot with poorly developed feet, running, jumping, wearing shoes with inadequate support while walking on concrete and other hard surfaces. It’s not a condition to ignore!

According to www.podiatrychannel.com/anatomy, this is how our feet are made:

“ • 26 bones (One-quarter of the bones in the human body are in the feet.);
• 33 joints;
• more than 100 muscles, tendons (fibrous tissues that connect muscles to bones), and ligaments (fibrous tissues that connect bones to other bones); and
• a network of blood vessels, nerves, skin, and soft tissue”

What a wonderful thing it is to stand, to connect with the earth and feel her supportive energy rise through our bodies! Early peoples did not wear shoes. Just how much have we lost by covering up these marvels and keeping them from direct contact with our planet? Who knows how much of our stress comes just from wearing shoes!

Socrates: " Beware the barrenness of a busy life"

From 500 BC come words of such wisdom for today. Socrates, the great Greek philosopher, is suggesting something very important for us. Why would a busy life be barren? Because we don't stop to smell the roses, we are rarely present for ouselves or for each other -- fully. "What doth it profit a man if he gain the world and lose his own soul." Same kind of thing. It is so hard to stop, to slow down, but the price of not doing that -- or of not finding a peaceful way to be busy! -- is very high.

How to reduce stress at work!

Over the years I have collected many methods of reducing and managing stress as I have worked on that for myself in so many different contexts. Studies by the American Medical Association have also shown the negative effects of stress on health. They say stress is a factor in more than 75 percent of all illness and disease today. Stress is a complex subject and the roots of stress in your life must be dealt with by long term life and habit changes. However,there are lots of things you can do to manage stress during your day and at work. The first question is: are you willing to make the commitment to try? Most often stress kind of just runs over us and we give in to it. It takes willpower to intervene: to stop and say No, and do a technique to stop yourself before you need the cigarette, chocolate bar, drink, or just fly off the handle and get angry at someone.

At work, what do you feel are the main daily causes of stress?
Too much to do too little time? Unrealistic deadlines? Procrastination?
Long meetings? Difficult people,irate customers, bosses? Constant interruptions?
Yes, there is all of that in your day to day work. Then there is what you are carrying about your life, your relationship, your health, your finances, your fears for the future. What's great to remember is just this: we always have a choice.

Long Term help for stress includes: exercise, diet, nutrition, cognitive therapies, relaxation, yoga, coming of addictions, better sleep, time management, prioritizing,
stuck thought patterns. But what underlies our sense of stress is very often the fundamental fact that we have not clarified or are not living by our most important values and finding ways to work at what is most fulfilling for us. Many people have not taken the time to question themselves on what those really are: this causes an unconscious, ever present kind of stress.

Are you ignoring your spiritual self? compromising your integrity? Are you following your heart? Ignoring your dreams? Those are big questions, but here are a few short term interventions for managing daily stress.

1) When you feel overloaded, too much to do, can’t think straight, take a walk around and just listen to sounds. How many different ones can you hear? This will calm you and take your mind out of its churning, stressful thoughts. As a young actress, I did a tour with the matinee idol Don Ameche (remember him in the movie about Alexander Graham Bell?). He was a wonderful guy, but he had an Italian temper. We never saw it! When he felt himself getting angry in rehearsal, he would excuse himself and take a walk. Precisely two minutes. When he returned he was courteous and pleasant, anger gone.

2.Doing some deep breathing helps. First of all, just put your attention on your breath; then take three deep inhales and exhales, slowly and full. You can also count four breathing in deeply; hold it for four counts, and breathe out on a count of 8.

3. Get up and stretch. Our bodies get all knarlled up when we sit, no wonder we can't think straight!

4. Donna Eden has a wonderful book for women, "Energy Medicine." Here is one of her tips for adrenal fatique, which has been called the stress syndrome of the 21st century. Walnut size glands on top of kidneys…produce 150 hormones that influence every major psychological process in you body including adrenaline and cortisol. To stop flight or fight syndrome, put your fingers on forehead and thumbs on your temples..hold firmly but without pressure for a minute or two;or place palm of one hand on your forehead and palm of the other hand on the back of your head, just above your neck.

5. The biggie: Be here now. Just pay attention to what is right around you, what your body feels like; use all your senses to be fully present. While you do that, you cannot at the same time be allowing your thoughts to run up your tension. The more you can switch into that kind of mindful presence, the better your day is going to be.

6. Generation Y is teaching us about new ways to work. They don't want to be so serious all the time. So sometimes, how about being playful, wacky, humorous, creative? Remember the old movie Zorba the Greek and "the whole catastrophe" He danced!!

7. Do a "random Act of kindness" for someone...you have surely heard about that.
Just do some little thing for somebody, anybody. The deal is you have to do it secretly without letting them know it was you! Taking the attention off yourself and your problems is truly a gift to you, and you might make somebody else's day too!

You can't do it at the office, but note the photo of the lady by the river above: being by water, observing water, listening to water sounds -- ahhh! what a help that is!

For How to Manage Stress at Work sessions, or Life Coaching to discover your values and purpose, contact me. I offer a free discovery session! Caite Mathis,
at caitemaya@yahoo.com.